Longing For You
by Guitarchick727
Summary: Tom wanted a life out of the limelight after the breakup, he had enough money to survive, was marrying the girl of his dreams. Courtney was happy in England with her best friend. Life was good. That was until they met each other. Based on a tue story.
1. Chapter 1

Sometimes the people we meet  
** change us** **(forever**

**Tom's POV:**

Here I was five years after McFly broke up trying to get my life back in order. I was returning to school to get my degree in music education. I wasn't prepared to go back. I figured being a rock and roll star people would recognize me and I hated being recognized. I wasn't too keen on going back to school either. I wasn't a big fan of going back to university, but in order to get a job I needed a degree. No one cared that I had experience with music. No one cared that I had won several awards or that my band had several albums go platinum.

I intended to get through school not meeting anyone or becoming friends with anyone. I was here strictly on business. But that's when I ran into her, literally.

I was rushing to my piano class hoping not to be noticed. I pushed my Volcom baseball cap lower on my head so I could barely see. I glanced up at the door I was passing in the music wing of the university. The next room was going to be the room my class was in. I kept going until I walked into something. My piano book fell out of my hands and my hat was knocked off my head. I bent down to pick up my belongings but my eyes met a pair of hazel eyes instead. They were more gorgeous than anything I had ever seen. I couldn't look away, until she did. She looked down and picked up her books. "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

"I know what you mean. First day of class you don't want to be late," she giggled.

"Yeah, I said absently. I looked up at her again meeting those hazel eyes. "Uh, I'm Tom," I smiled meekly at her.

She stood back up holding her books against her chest. "Courtney," she replied sticking her right hand out to shake mine. Her hands were soft like a baby's bottom. Her grip was professional, not too tight, but firm. "We better get in there before the professor freaks." She smiled as she turned to the door.

She pulled the door open and held it open for me. I grabbed the door and leaned in close to her catching the scent of her perfume. She smelled sweet, like roses. We both entered the room and luckily the professor wasn't there yet. We choose seats on the opposite sides of the room from each other. I watched her as she slipped her headphones on and started to play Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. I watched her fingers barely touched the keys and how beautiful her hands looked as she played. There was only one other person that I had ever seen play with such intensity as she did: me, several years ago. I tried not to watch her but it was like a car crash: you don't want to look, but you can't help yourself. You want to look and nothing at that moment can stop you. Except for the fact that she noticed I was staring at her. She smiled and I whipped my head around to face forward again.

I spent the rest of the class trying to watch her, but not watch her at the same time. I didn't want her to think I was some kind of freak. I was the closest person to sane that I had ever met. There was something about her that I just couldn't let go of. Maybe it was the she smiled: teeth showing but not all as if she was hiding a secret that you were dying to know. Or maybe it was the way her side bangs fell over her left eye as she was playing and she would try to blow them out of her face. Maybe it was the green sparkle she had hidden in her eyes that you could only see when the sun hit them. I didn't know exactly what it was that kept me looking back at her. I knew from the moment that I ran into her, she was going to make a big difference in my life.


	2. Chapter 2

At first glance 

I knew you'd be hard to forget.

**Courtney's POV:**

I came home from university in a daze. I unlocked the door to my apartment and threw my book bag down on the floor. I slumped over to the couch and sat exhaustedly. I leaned my head back on the couch and pulled the hair and left my light brown hair fall down around my shoulders. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples with my forefinger and thumb to stop my pounding headache. I stayed there hoping my best friend and roommate, Cailyn, wouldn't notice that I was home yet. I loved her to death, but on a day like today I would have rather live alone. My prayers went unanswered when I heard her walking toward the living room.

"Oh, Court, I didn't realize you were home," she said as she stood in front of me.

"Yeah, I just got home a minute ago," I sighed heavily and opened my eyes to see her standing in the hallway that lead to our bedrooms.

"Well, how was it? How are your professors?"

I looked at her sideways with a sly grin. "Who are you; my mother?"

She chuckled, "Sometimes I feel like it."

I sighed to myself thinking of the crazy day I had had beginning with getting lost on campus and then bumping into that cute guy before my piano class. "Stressful, I always hated the first day of classes; it's too hectic especially with all the incoming freshmen. Professors are alright, at least the ones I met today. Although, I have to say there was at least one cute guy today. We bumped into each other before our piano class. His name's Tom."

Cailyn shook her head and laughed. "It's the first day of school, don't start already."

"Yes, mother," I yelled to her as she walked back to her bedroom.

I stayed put on the couch thinking about Tom. He looked familiar, but I had only been in England or a year. By now everyone looked familiar.

He was different; he wasn't like all the other British boys I knew. He seemed like he was trying to hide. But his beautiful brown eyes had taken me by surprise.

I never planned on falling for him, honest I didn't. I wasn't looking to fall in love. I was focused on school for a change; this was my last year in college and I wanted to finish it off right. If I had only known what I was getting myself into, I probably wouldn't have thought about him more than the next guy. But for some reason he was always there, in the back of my mind.


	3. Chapter 3

**so confused ;; don't **_k now_ **what to** _d o  
_I****can't****keep****my****mind****off****of****you

**Tom's POV:**

I was addicted to her. The next time I had class with her I decided to sit at the keyboard next to hers. She smiled at me and joked, "Couldn't stay away, could you?"

I laughed half because I thought she knew and half because I couldn't. "I figure I should sit next to you because at least I know a little about you and I'm not forced to talk to the guy over there." I looked around the room before leaning in and whispering, "Honestly, he smells."

She laughed loudly, but quickly covered her mouth embarrassed. Her eyes sparkled and her lips turned into thin lines when she smiled.

That's how things went for two weeks: we spent a majority of the time talking about our personal lives, but not too much detail. She talked about her roommate a lot, so much so I thought she might be a lesbian.

Finally after two weeks of random chatting, I got the nerve to ask her out. I sat down beside her one very cool morning in October. She looked good as always in tight blue jeans and a black and gray striped sweater. She smiles at me brightly, "Hello Mr. Fletcher."

"Hey," I replied coolly. I set up my piano book and hooked up my headphones.

I turned to her and before I could ask her out, she spoke. "Do you want to get coffee after class?"

I smiled wide, "Sure."

For the rest of the class, I couldn't wait until it was over. I constantly glanced at my watch hoping that time would go by faster. Courtney would look at me and would get a worried expression on her face. I would shake her off telling her I thought the clock in the classroom was broken. She would nod and go back into playing her piece.

When class was finally over, I packed up my thing and waited for her to put her books into her black leather messenger bag. I followed behind her. I held every door for her as she walked through them. Not much was said between us as we walked to the university café.

Once we ordered our drinks, because she doesn't drink coffee, we started walking around campus. Neither one of us knew what to say. I finally had to ask, "What made you come to England? Your accent caught me by surprise when I first heard you speak."

She took a sip of her tea before replying. "I've always wanted to come here. Never thought of moving here, until I was here over spring break a couple of years ago. I came with Cailyn and a few other friends, difference was me and Cailyn wanted to stay. So once school finished, we applied to schools here and started looking for apartments. Fast forward to today and here I am talking to you."

"Well, I'm glad things seem to have worked out for you," I smiled. "Now, I don't want to be rude, but are you involved with your roommate?"

She chocked on her tea and coughed loudly and harshly for a couple of moments before clearing her throat. "Cailyn? And me?" she laughed. "No, god, no. Cailyn has been my friend for ages; she's like a sister to me. Actually, she was with her high school sweetheart until we moved here."

"Oh okay, I was just curious because you seemed to talk about her an awful lot."

"Yeah, I guess I do. Well, she's about all I got. It was always just me and her, of course Jon, her ex-boyfriend, would be around every once in a while. But she's all I've ever really had. I didn't have many friends back home and I did have a few boyfriends, but they were all too immature for me. Well, what about you, what's your situation?"

I took a small drag of my coffee and looked out across the courtyard. "I'm, un, engaged to the same girl I've been with for the past five years."

"Well, that's great. Congratulations, do you have a date yet?"

"July 26, 2008."

"Two years, then. Well, that's great. I'm sure she's a lucky girl."

I finally looked back at her. "Yeah," I smiled meekly.

We continued to talk about our home lives and what we planned on doing with our lives once we were done with school. We had things in common but had many differences between us as well. But we got along all the same. We exchanged emails and she promised to email me later. I gave her a hug goodbye and we went our separate ways.

I didn't know what it was but something in the pit of my stomach bothered me when I told her I was engaged. Maybe it was guilt; the guilt of being with another girl. I wasn't sure, but I just hoped it wasn't something deeper than what I was thinking.


	4. Chapter 4

You Learn A lot About People  
When you listen to songs that  
Mean something to them

**Courtney's POV:**

What were the odds that the only really attractive, funny, smart guy I had met was getting married? Honestly it was my luck that he was getting married. It always seemed that the guy I could really see myself liking was taken, but isn't that what happened to every girl? The one that takes your breathe away is always the one that's taken by another girl who is equal if not better than you. True maybe all of this is a little early to be thinking about how his fiancée is better than me, but really he was amazing.

When I had teased him about staying away, I half hoped that he really wanted to be near me. I hoped that maybe the spark we shared on the first day we met wasn't just a random occurrence, but something that was supposed to happen. I had to admit though that he was quite adorable when he asked if Cailyn and I were a couple. But I could see where he would get that idea. If only he knew that I was jealous of whoever he was marrying, he would realize being a lesbian was the furthest thing on my mind.

I returned home after a long day of classes wanting to talk to Tom but the fact that he had a fiancée was holding me back. I had never seen myself being friends, serious friends with a guy, especially one that had a significant other. I was never actually able to be friends with a guy and it wasn't because I was easy. Simply put I tend to fall for guys way too easily. That had to be my one down fall, more than anything else. Problem with my friendship with Tom is that he was gorgeous, funny, smart, and everything else that made him irresistible, which made him exactly the kind I was bound to fall for way too fast.

I wasn't going to go back on my word no matter how hard I wanted to keep my distance from him. I crashed on my bed and set up my laptop. After a couple of minutes and the computer loaded up, I logged into my email and opened up a window for a new message. I pulled my phone out from the front right pocket of my jeans and found Tom's info in the contacts list. I stared at his email address for a minute or two before entering it into the TO: slot on the new message. I didn't say much; I was afraid to say a lot to be honest. I thanked him for the tea and that I enjoyed spending time with him outside of the classroom. I wrote that I hoped we could do it some time soon. I left my cell number at the bottom of the email and told him to call if he ever wanted to hang out because it would be easier and quicker to reach me on my phone.

Several hours later, I received a text message from a number I didn't recognize. I opened the message to see an interesting text: "Wanna meet at Starbucks for tea? Then maybe we could listen to some music at a local shop? –Tom."

I quickly replied, "Sure thing, meet at 12:45?"

"Can't wait ;-) See you tomorrow, have a good night."

I smiled to myself. Tom was beyond cute with his last message. When someone as cute as Tom was flirting with you, it's hard to resist. But in the back of my mind I keep thinking about his fiancée. Did she know about the two of us hanging out? If she did doesn't know, did Tom feel guilty? True, I do overanalyze everything but when it comes to matters of the heart you kind of have to. I had to keep reminding myself that things were too soon to tell.

The next morning I decided that I was going to hang out with Tom and expect nothing. We were two friends that simply enjoyed the others company. But I wasn't being too forward if I were to look really cute, right? I threw on a pair of tight blue jeans and a forest green Billabong sweater.

I left the apartment without telling Cailyn where I was going hoping that she would just send me a text later. I wanted to make sure I wasn't waiting forever for him and I didn't want to be late so I left about five minutes before I was to meet him. I showed up a minute after and a wide smile played across his lips as he saw me round the corner. He greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. We stayed at Starbucks for about an hour talking about what we wanted our futures to be like to our families.

When we finally headed out of the coffee shop, Tom led me to a little corner record shop. As we walked through the shop, everyone said hi to him and he waved back without saying anything. He brought me back into an office in the back of the shop.

I laughed once he shut the door before asking, "What was that all about? Here often huh?"

He smiled meekly and replied, "Sort of."

Tom laid out a pile of CD's trying to find he wanted to put on. He finally selected one and slipped into the laptop that was setup. I looked through the pile as he found the track he was looking for. He put on a cheesy smile before talking. "Not many people know this song; it's by Queen. For some reason every time I hear it I think of you."

I turned away from him so he couldn't see me blush. I listened as the slow melancholy music started to play. I listened closely as the lyrics were sung. I was a Queen fan; I was raised through their music through my mother. I had never heard of this song before and to be honest I wasn't sure what to expect. When the song ended, the title did just what it said 'You Take My Breathe Away.' Needless to say that after hearing that song, I felt guilty about his fiancée. If anyone knows that song, they'll know exactly what I mean.

I didn't say anything; I didn't know what to say. How do you react when a guy who's engaged gives you a song as sweet as that one is? You really can't do anything; except start falling for him.


	5. Chapter 5

I THiNK A GUY...  
becomes **friends  
**with a girl and _vice versa_,   
because they are both attracted  
to each other when they first meet.  
and if they **weren't** attracted to each other,  
they would never have given each  
other a second look** 3**

**Tom's POV:**

Okay so maybe I was being a little forward with Courtney. But she was amazing, she was everything that a guy would want. If I didn't have Rachel, I'm sure I would have loved taking her out and having her being mine. She's amazing, but I know nothing is going happen; I won't let it happen. In the back of my mind, a voice kept saying the only reason why I was being so forward was because I was slowly getting cold feet. It made sense to me. Any normal single guy who is about to go into a life altering experience would automatically run for the hills. I'm a normal single guy but I know that Rachel is the girl I want to be with for the rest of my life.

But occasionally there would be the days where I wanted nothing to do with her. Couples have fights and I understand that fully. I mean I have been with her for five years, if I really couldn't stand her, than I wouldn't be marrying her.

Unfortunately, the Monday after hanging out with Courtney, Rachel decided she was going to throw a fit. Monday night I had decided to go out with a few old friends. We had gone out to a local bar. With all the commotion, I never realized my phone had been going off for a majority of time I had been at the bar. Honestly, I didn't think it was a big deal that I had gone out in the first place, apparently I was wrong.

Once I stepped out of the bar and back out to the street, my phone started playing Rachel's specific ring tone. I groaned to myself and hoped that I didn't sound too drunk. "Hey baby," I answered slightly slurred.

"Where have you been? I've been calling for the last two hours. I came home and you weren't here. It is after one, you know?" Rachel's voice asked from the other end.

"I went out with some of the guys, sorry mother," I replied sarcastically, half from the alcohol, the other half because she was pissing me off.

I heard her huff and puff in annoyance. "I'm sorry that I was actually worried about you." The line went dead after that.

I drove home fine only to be locked out of my bedroom. She was forced me to sleep on the couch.

The next morning, I woke up with a pinched nerve in my right shoulder and had a feeling today was going to be miserable.

I walked into class ten minutes late after being stuck in traffic for twenty minutes. Courtney looked up at me as I entered and sat next to her. She smiled wide at me, but when I didn't return the gesture, she knew something was wrong.

She slipped her headphone off of her ears and watched me for a moment. "Everything okay?"

"No, she's driving me fucking insane. I'm losing it!" I said rather loudly, not realizing how loud until the professor shushed me.

Courtney giggled softly as she turned back to her keyboard. "She as in the fiancée?"

I nodded as I hooked my headphone into the jack under the keyboard. I hung them from around my neck as I did my five finger patterns to warm up. "She called me a dozen times last night yelling at me because I went out with some old friends. Last time I checked she was my fiancée, not my mother. I didn't realize I had to tell her everything I do."

"No one ever said you had to tell her everything, but it would have been nice of you to tell her that you were going out. Now see me, if I had called you twice and you didn't answer, I would say fuck you. Obviously you're busy; I would have left you a message asking you to call me back."

I watched her as she spoke. Her eyes focused on the page of music she was reading, but somehow I knew she meant it. A smile formed on my lips as she turned to look at me. "That's why you're the perfect wife: you're calm, enjoy music and sports, know how to have a good time, have a good sense of humor; any guy should be lucky to be with you."

Her eyes sparkled brighter than I had ever seen before as she replied with a simple, "Thank you."

I had almost regretted saying it, but it was the truth. She truly seemed perfect; she wasn't controlling, she was easy to get along with and any guy would be lucky to have her. There was a part of me that wanted me to be that lucky guy, but no matter how mad Rachel made me, I still owed it to her to get marry. The feelings that were going through me were because of my cold feet and that I had very little sleep. I just wasn't thinking rationally. Give me a week and I'd be back to normal.


	6. Chapter 6

**&****you're ****the ****kind**** of**** guy **that can make me  
**sit on my bed**, _listen to music_, & just smile  
just because the** songs **_remind_ me of**you**.

**Courtney's POV:**

Why? Why did he have to say such sweet things to me? Why couldn't he just take my advice and say thank you? Why did he have to take things a step further with every little thing he did or said? It was bad enough that he was basically all I thought of. Now he's gone and put these crazy thoughts in my head that maybe we have something between us.

I didn't know what was driving me crazy about Tom, but I knew I had never met anyone like him before. He could just glance at me and my heart would race. Anytime we would accidently touch that spot would start to tingle and I would get goose bumps. I was one of those girls who never got butterflies, but with Tom they never seemed to go away. Before I would see him, they would start and wouldn't finish until I was in my car driving home from class.

Cailyn even started to notice that I was happier. She continued to ask me if I was wearing makeup which she knew I never did. She started telling me how my skin had seemed to get more flushed as if I was wearing blush. She also told me that my eyes, as of lately, were more green which usually meant I was happy. I had no reason not to be happy so I wasn't surprised about my eyes changing colors.

The most embarrassing thing was when she caught me singing love songs. Cailyn had been out doing various errands and I was home alone. Tom had given me a list of songs to listen to. I enjoyed them all especially one titled "Don't Wake Me Up." I was playing it on my laptop while writing a paper for my music history class and started singing along with it. I was focusing on the song and paper that I didn't realize that Cailyn had returned home. Now, I'm not a bad singer; actually I had been voted most talented when I graduated high school. As the song reached the bridge, Cailyn started applauding. I turned around so startled that I almost fell off my chair.

"That's a cute song," she said trying hard not to laugh.

I smiled nervously. "Yeah, Tom gave it to me…to listen to, I mean. Not like he gave it to me…never mind I'm just gonna shut up now."

She leaned against the door frame of my room and gave me her 'you-like-him' smile. "You like him."

"No, I don't. He has a fiancée; it wouldn't be right."

"But you do like him. You're over analyzing everything you say, you talk about him about 75 of the time we talk and you're singing love songs. Those are the three major signs that you like someone. Who is this guy?"

I tried hard not to blush. "He's the guy from my piano class. He's a musician, I think. He plays so passionately and no one plays as passionately as he does unless they're a musician."

"He's right up your alley, then," she called back to me as she walked back into the kitchen.

I turned back to y computer and lowered the volume as I pressed the previous button to reply the song I had been singing when Cailyn scared me.

As I listened to the song, one voice sounded slightly familiar. I googled the group name McFly and was shocked to see a group photo with one face that I would recognize anywhere. This was Tom's music; this was Tom's voice singing the bridge. I smiled wide and took in his sweet voice. I opened up my iTunes store and purchased 40 worth of McFly music. I listened to three or four songs taking in his voice, his talent. I was happy that I figured it out that it was him. Now I couldn't wait to see him.

I glanced at the clock in the bottom right of my computer screen. I had lost track of time and I was going to be late for my literature class. I packed everything up and headed out.

On any normal day that I didn't have class with Tom, I wouldn't see him on campus. But today, of all days, when I'm running late, I see him coming out of the café. I started to head over figuring I could be at most twenty minutes late. I watched him as I headed in his direction. He turned back towards the café and smiled at someone.

I stopped dead in my tracks and my breath got caught in my chest. I watched as a chubby brunette came into view. Tom wrapped his free arm around her and they kissed. She had to be Rachel. My heart dropped into my stomach and I felt my eyes sting lightly. I pushed the tears back and headed to class trying to not let it bother me. Now I had a reason to be upset: I'm crazy about him, but he'll never be more than a friend.


	7. Chapter 7

it's better to cross the line and

it**'**s b**etter** to _cross the line_ and  
suffer the consequences than to  
just **stare**** at****that line** for the  
**REST****OF****YOUR****LIFE**

**Tom's POV:**

For the next couple of days, Courtney acted strange. She spent most of her time actually doing work and practicing. We did exchange small talk, but nothing more than that. Every time I would ask if something was wrong, she would reply, "Every things fine, just stressed out from midterms." She would smile and put her headphones back on and continued to practice.

After two weeks of her basically avoiding me, I pulled her aside. "Did I do something to piss you off?"

She looked away, "No."

"Then why are you being weird? Is there something wrong? Anything I should be worried about?"

She kept her glance away from me and kept her answers short. "No, live I've said its just stress from midterms."

I couldn't stand her not looking at me. I turned her face to look at me. "Well, exams are over so let me take you out…to celebrate."

She scoffed rather loudly. "Won't 'wifey' get mad that you're going out? Especially with me?"

"Rachel is doing a performance a couple towns over for the next few nights. She'll be going out with people from the show anyway. C'mon what do you say?"

"I could use a drink…or two. Pick me up around 7?" she asked as she ran a hand through her silky brown hair.

"Sure, I'll take you to this real nice place that no one knows about. You'll love it. Oh and it's nothing fancy, so don't worry about dressing up."

"Okay," she chuckled. "I'll see you at 7, then."

We leaned towards each other as she pressed her cheek to mine. We both made the kissing noise. "You most certainly will."

I went home to get ready. I wanted to make sure I looked halfway decent. I took a shower and made sure that I didn't smell. I picked out a black button down shirt and skinny blue jeans.

Right before I was going to leave to get Courtney, I glanced at a picture of me and Rachel and felt guilt build up. I turned away from the picture but grabbed my cell phone out of my pocket and sent her a quick text. "Good luck tonight, hun, xoxo-Tom." For some reason I didn't bother saying I love you. I was wondering if she would notice, but she never texted back.

I stood outside Courtney's apartment building wondering if I should call her or just ring the bell. I pressed the intercom button. A voice came over the speaker, "Hello?"

"Hi, I'm here to pick up Courtney."

"Tom, yeah? Come on up," the voice replied followed by a loud buzzing.

I climbed two flights of steps and knocked on her apartment door. A girl that I could have mistaken as Courtney's sister opened the door. "So you're the infamous Tom, huh? It's nice to meet you, I'm Cailyn." We shook hands as I entered the apartment. "She'll be out in a minute. She's just drying her hair."

When Courtney finally made her grand entrance, she was stunning. She was wearing a red v-neck sweater and a denim skirt. She looked amazing. I gave her a hug and kiss on her cheek. We said goodbye to Cailyn and headed to the restaurant.

The car ride was strangely quiet. I hummed along to the songs on the radio and noticed Courtney eyeing me out of the corner of my eye. I wondered if she knew yet.

We were seated at a table in the middle of the restaurant. Like the care ride, not much was said until we ordered our meals.

She leaned in close so only I could hear. "Why didn't you tell me?" she smiled evilly.

"Tell you what?"

She slapped my arm playfully. "You know what I'm talking about."

"So you finally figured it out? It's about time."

"It's about time? Why couldn't you just tell me?"

I took a sip of my beer before answering. "Some people get weird after finding out who I am. They ask if I can get them record deals or if I can introduce them to one of my old band mates etc."

She slapped my arm playfully again. "You know I wouldn't do that. God, do you really see me like that?"

"No," I laughed.

"Well, your stuff is amazing. You're brilliant. I'm even nervous sitting here talking to you right now. You're famous Tom Fletcher and I didn't even know it. I'm one lucky girl to have you as a friend."

I felt a pit in my stomach start to grow as she said the f-word: friend. I took another sip of my beer. "Thanks, but you're not the only lucky one. I'm lucky I have such a gorgeous friend. Every guy in here is staring at me with jealousy right now."

We continued to talk throughout the rest of the evening about my music career which I hadn't really done since the band had broken up. She got me to open up about a lot of things I hadn't even told Rachel especially how I missed jamming with the guys on Friday nights. I didn't say much about Rachel; I felt it wasn't my place to talk about my relationship. I didn't want to make Courtney feel uncomfortable.

By the end of the night, we both had had three drinks. Neither one of us was drunk, although we were slightly buzzed. Flirting was at its highest level between us because of the alcohol, but I didn't care. It was the first time in a long time that I had felt alive.

We were standing outside her apartment at about quarter to two trying hard to not wake anyone in the building. Courtney giggled loudly and quickly covered her mouth with her hands like she did quite often. She leaned back against her apartment door. The light hanging at the end of the hallway cast a sliver of light over her lips. All of a sudden I felt myself leaning in toward her. I put my arm above her head as I put all my weight upon it. I was within an inch of touching her lips to mine when my phone vibrated with a text message. I opened my eyes to see hers closed and waiting with anticipating. She looked so perfect, but I couldn't do it. I backed away slowly and let the light fall across her again. Her eyes blinked open, and I looked away not wanting to see the hurt in her eyes. "I gotta go," I said rushed and walked back down the hallway and the two flights of steps.


	8. Chapter 8

_t_here's absolutely nothing that can feeling that

_bring __you__ down quite like_  
rejection can

**Courtney's POV:**

What just happened? Did I do something wrong? My eyes flickered open just in time to see the back of Tom's head walking towards the steps. I stood there for a moment replaying everything in my head. I leaned against the door; he leaned in, but no kiss. I felt like I was doing a simple math problem but getting the wrong answer as if 2+2=5. I gave up trying to understand and the alcohol wasn't helping. I unlocked the door and headed to bed.

The next day I tried to keep myself busy so I didn't have to think about what didn't happen and so Cailyn wouldn't ask. It was bugging me so much so that every time a McFly song came on iTunes, I would turn it off. But it was all a reminder of how things had ended the night before.

I tried to justify it, though. It was a good thing we didn't kiss because he was engaged. He has a fiancée; he isn't interested in me. It was probably just the alcohol that almost had us kiss. And if it was only the alcohol, it wouldn't have been a good kiss anyway. And for all I know Tom might only see me as a younger sister instead of an attractive woman.

But oh how I longed to feel his lips on mine. I would have given anything for him to kiss me. It sucked to be so close and nothing coming of it. What hurt the most was being so close to him feeling the way I do and not knowing what he was thinking, how he was feeling.

Tom wasn't in class the next time we had class and I was curious that if the night we went out was the cause. Was he afraid to be near me? Was he scared I would try and kiss him? Did he want nothing to do with me? Did he have feelings for me and was scared to screw things up with his fiancée? All these questions kept running through my head and I could barely concentrate on what I was supposed to be playing. Every time the door opened to the classroom, I was hoping I would see his beautiful brown eyes sparkling back at me, but it was never him.

I drove home thinking I should call him and let him know the professor was going to give a quiz during next class. But I kept thinking I shouldn't just in case he didn't want to talk to me. Maybe he was avoiding me like I had been avoiding him for the past couple of weeks. Even though I had been mad at him, I would have wanted him to call me and let me know about the upcoming test or quiz.

I checked the apartment to make sure that Cailyn wasn't home incase Tom and I were to discuss the other night. I locked my bedroom door behind me and I pulled out my cell phone. I clicked down in the phonebook until his name was highlighted. I pressed the little green phone icon to dial his number. I held the phone to my ear as 'Another One Bites the Dust' played as I waited for him to pick up.

"Hey Court," he answered awkwardly.

"Hey, I know you missed class today so I just wanted to let you know that Professor Clarke is giving a quiz next class."

"Thanks for the heads up. Anything else happen in class?" he asked nervously.

I thought for a moment almost second guessing what was said in class about us, but I felt I needed something to break the tension. "Well Professor Clarke asked if I knew why you weren't in class. She thought we were attached at the hip and was surprised to not see us together."

He chuckled to himself, "Yeah, we do come off that way don't we?"

"Yeah, if people didn't know any better they would think we were together." I regretted saying it after it came out, but it lead to what needed to be said between us.

Tom cleared his throat before speaking again. "I'm kinda glad you called. We need to talk about what happened the other night."

"Oh okay," I swallowed hard. This didn't sound good.

"Look, I had a really good time the other night. I couldn't have imagined it with any other person. You're an amazing person and you're one of the only people I've been able to open up about stuff, about the band. But I think the alcohol made things a little weird between us and I think that maybe next time we take it easy on the alcohol."

Okay, I know I had tried to justify the whole kiss thing but he can't honestly be telling me that after he admitted how wonderful he thought I was and how I'm the only one he could open up to, that it was just the alcohol that got us so close to kissing. I think he was looking for an easy way out. "I don't think it was just the alcohol, but I'm sure it didn't help."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked the anger taking over his voice.

I half chuckled, "You know exactly what that means, Tom. You don't say the things you've said to me and try to blame it only on alcohol. What _almost_ happened, happened because you subconsciously wanted it to happen."

"I knew you wouldn't understand. You're too young to understand. I'm getting married and the only reason I _might _have wanted it to happen was because I have cold feet. Yeah, I'm scared about living with one person for the rest of my life, nothing else," he emphasized his point with a tone I hadn't heard before, one that almost scared me.

"Whatever Tom, you can use whatever excuse you want to ease your guilt about nothing happening. When you realize that nothing happened and that you have some serious issues within your relationship than call me, until then I don't need your problems, I have my own."

I didn't wait for him to reply. I didn't want to hear him get angry or make up some other excuse like he didn't want to talk to me again. It killed me to reject him like that, but I didn't need his issues. And honestly, if he was truly happy with Rachel, then he didn't need me in his life. And if he wasn't happy, I would know where I stood in his life.


	9. Chapter 9

&+ i`m still counting  
the days that it has  
been without you

**Tom's POV:**

Who was she to tell me how I felt? She didn't know what was going on in my head. I loved Rachel; she'd been there for me after the band broke up and that was one of the worst times in my life. I had hard times and Rachel had been there. Courtney and I were only friends. I was getting married, end of story, nothing more, and nothing less. The alcohol was the reason that I almost kissed her. And I knew I wouldn't let it happen again.

I didn't have any issues with my relationship and who was she to suggest that I did. She knew nothing of my relationship. But maybe she got the wrong idea because of the things I had told her. Yeah, I had said things to Courtney about Rachel being like a mother more than a wife, but that was just the teenage boy talking. I still want to go out and have a good time, but I knew I was getting to that age that I wanted to settle down and have a family. When it came down to it, Courtney couldn't make any judgments about my relationship with Rachel. She just didn't know what its like.

She _was _too young to understand; she's barely over the age of twenty and here I am at 27. She was still a child compared to me. I had been drinking while she was still playing spin-the-bottle. I can bet that she's probably never even had a real relationship, a relationship since she graduated high school one that lasted several months to a year. No, she couldn't have had a real relationship; she hasn't dated anyone since she moved here 2 years ago after she graduated high school. She doesn't even know what love is.

As I thought about all of this, about how she doesn't know a thing about relationships, it got me thinking about my relationship. Things weren't perfect, nor did I expect them to be perfect. It's about the imperfections that make the relationship worth it. When you love someone, things are supposed to be hard, but lately things between me and Rachel had reached a plateau. We didn't have any fights except for the one I complained to Courtney about. We really had no issues whatsoever and I wasn't about to start worrying about it.

What I was starting to worry about was missing my friend. Since the last couple of times when we both had been avoiding each other, I had felt lonely again. I hadn't felt this lonely since the band had broken up. I find it weird that every time I think about Courtney, I can always relate it back to the break up of the band. The band had been my home for about ten years of my life and they had been my everything. There was definitely something special about Courtney if she could give me a feeling that I hadn't felt in five years. If wasn't home, the way things had been with the guys, but it was a feeling that I was comfortable. Without her, without the band I felt empty inside.

That's when it truly hit me: maybe I do like her a little more than I am willing to admit. If she can have this kind of effect on me, than there obviously is something going on within me. She is beautiful and smart and funny and someone I never thought I would find. Rachel was all those things too, but it had been a while since Rachel and I had had any fun. I was just missing the way things used to be with me and Rachel. That's all I needed to do, I needed to get back to the way things used to be before Rachel and I hit this plateau.

Now that I realized what was wrong with my relationship, I felt like I could have my friend back. Rachel had gone to rehearsal for the upcoming show and I figured who I wouldn't be hurting if I were to call her. I pulled my phone out of my front pocket and found the number I hadn't called in about a week. I pressed the send button and waited until I heard that voice.

"Hey stranger," she whispered.

I smiled to myself knowing that she was way more than a friend and that I don't know how I could have gone so long without her in my life.


End file.
